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You tell me to watch my step
Instead I'm falling out of love
I thought you were all that I had
But without you I've got it all
I hope you know that this is all your fault

boys are the worst things ever. ever.
but its only getting easier.

finally, i got paid. $708.54! i am pleased. also today, a girl passed out. AND the fire alarms went off 2 times. naked boys running out of the building=hilarious. shrey is back!!!! and as a correction, he did NOT have a tea party, he had a cake party. good old kiddo.
tomorrow, i am going camping with claudia. should be tons of fun, i wish others could go, because it would be even MORE fun. but the point is, i will miss everyone who is not going, and we will only be gone friday night and then return saturday late afternoon so i expect to see my still in stl friends when i return (krista, laura!) and i mean PROMPTLY when i return!
my cats are all nicely shaven. even their tails. i think its hilarious and i wish they would stay like that.
i got a parking violation the other day while i was sleeping soundly and my car was outside my moms. i have to pay $25 for expired plates and no plate in the front (which i think is unfair because it was ripped off by a flying car...)so anyway, boo to the traffic cop who trolled my street for plates that expred 4 days ago and victims of flying automobiles!
reading "a clockwork oarange". i like it, but it takes forever to read because its in a russian/english dialect and it sometimes makes no sense. for example:
"about a half an hour went by before there was any sign of life among the millicents, and then it was only two very young rozzies that came in, very pink under their big copper's shlemmies."
"...and we young malchickiwicks about, and this prof type chelloveck was the only one walking in the whole of the street. so we goolied up to him"
"so i was round that counter very skorry and had a hold of her, and a horrorshow big lump she was too, all nuking of scent and with flipflop big bobbing groodies on her. id got my rooker round her rot to stop her belting out death..."
yeah so it keeps going like that through the whole thing. but hey! ive got patience, its the summer and ive got time.

the test went alright. the essay raped me up the butt, though. but everyone in the room was thoroughly voilated, so i dont feel as bad about myself. so that being done, im not as stressed as i was.
prom is this weekend, and i dunno...im not so excited. it just seems like its gonna be really stressful. i mean i guess i can always leave early and then go to after parties. so thats good. and swimming ends friday....SO GOOD! i love the girls on the team so much and i will miss them, but just hate the sport right now and i want to be done with it. so yay! its finally ending!
i need references for my job application. ideas, anyone? i need 5, and so far i have Mr Waterson, Mrs Sailor, and Tracy. and i NEED to turn it in...gaaaa! coach brown wrote me a note on the swim board today asking me if i had turned in my application yet and it scared me. so i must turn it in tomorrow!! panic mode...
anyway, so im in the middle of a slurpee craving.
i have stopped caring about school. honestly, i have. i hate that i have, but i just dont have energy anymore and so i get apathetic. somebody shake me.
haircut tomorrow, and hannahs pasta party!
who wants to celebrate swimming ending with me this weekend?

ap psych test tomorrow. dreadful.

im back!

chicago was really fun. it had its ups and downs, but all in all, i had a really great time. ill try not to make this too boring.

friday: i leave the house and the buttcrack of dawn to pick up claud and doron to meet krista for coffee (additional plans fell through). we left the school at 8, and i proceeded to sleep a hell of a lot on the bus ride up. that was nice. we passed dixie, which brought back sweet memories of my deformed hippo statue i got in 2002. ray brought movies and we watched mulan, which is a quality movie. nothing too eventful. just relaxing. we got to the hotel, which was very classy and nice, and just chilled for a few hours till we loaded up the bus to go to the second city and dinner. dinner was pretty good, second city was hilarious.
saturday: art institute! i could live there. there is so much to see! i guess thats the point of a museum though, huh? but anyway impressionism is amazing. definately my favorite. there is a lot to say about the museum, but nothing that is woth the effort of typing, or that people would take the time to read anyway. so i move on. we got to go shopping on michigan avenue at that point, which was disappointing. i got some pants at h+m, but really the whole shopping experience was a failure. later in the evening, we went back to the hotel and got ready for the opera! everyone looked smashing. we took some pictures (not enough however) so i can share them with you all once they get on the cd or whatever. i only fell asleep once or twice during the opera, and not for too long. the first act was really boring. but the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th were really great! i thoroughly enjoyed it. i had some problems with my shoes, but it all worked out. damn the hosiery! when we got back, we watched the doors movie, which was awesome.
sunday: left at the buttcrack of dawn. dont remember much about the bus ride because i was sleeping. got back around 1, and now here i am!

good weekend. good break. i needed this, and it was great.

i missed all my friends in stl though!

i dont have mono. this is good news.

the rest of my problems seem insignificant. so ill leave it at that.

hoping i dont have mono. really hoping. that would suck. ill know in a day or so.

this weekend is the opera trip! emily was put in our room, which is kinda bad, but i think it will work out. claud is pretty mad about it. apparently emily will follow us around everywhere. whatever. i think it'll be ok. im sure she has other friends going. but the emily matter aside, i think the trip will be really fun. a good break that we all need. there has been too much stuff going on in stl, and im ready for a vacation. and we'll all bond and stuff. i hope lowery doesnt tape us in our rooms. haha that would be hilarious though. anyway, the point is, im really excited.

i agree with laura. a lot of guys suck. and girls get really upset over it. i shouldnt care so much, but i do. which is worse in some ways. ugh, oh well.

way too much fucking drama. im tired of it. im not going to school tomorrow because i am sick and i dont feel like it. this weekend was too much. i just want to sit around with people and not fight and not talk about anything thats upsetting. it seems like nobody is able to do this. i used to be so involved with everything. i was part of the drama. and now ive become really apathetic and i just want to escape it. it never ends. and there is no point. i still care about the things that matter, but its not worth the energy and effort to get upset over things i have no control over. this weekend has just proved my point. thats it. whatever happens, happens. its just sad that im learning all this so late.

no school today. im overjoyed! think about it. in a normal week, my weekend would just be starting...but THIS week i have an extra day! superb! i just cant get over it.

I got shoes! and 2 tops but im not so excited about those. the shoes are the cord birks that ive wanted for a loong time. theyre so pretty.

i love you laura! and i love your mom too!

post-mall, claud n i went to hang out with the boys (not the normal ones this time!). we went to the central west end for dinner but only claud n ricky ate. it was sushi-type stuff. very expensive. then we went to cartel and ben pretended to be gay, and claud got hit on by 2 burly black men...one of which was named claud (or so he said). funny shit. we stopped by martins because doron asked us to, but apparently it was far too late and martin got very flustered. oh well. so we left and went to rickys. bens birthday is today. last night was interesting. and rick's dad saw us this morning apparently, so we'll see how that works out.

im really confused. everything should be 20x simpler. paradise.

opera trip next weekend! how exciting! it should be very fun i believe. AND i think special olympics is next week. am i missing that? am i even doing that? hmm. but yay for opera! im really excited for second city, too. last time i went it was hilarious.

poor kerry.

psych test tomorrow is gonna suck. i studied with ricky at borders, which, surprisingly, wasnt that bad. hes a lot cooler on his own. hes...less irritating. anyway much studying was done and mcuh checking out of boys. i am in no way prepared for my test.

NO SCHOOL FRIDAY!!!!! just thought id point that out. 3 day weekend. as in, no classes friday. how exciting! muy caliente.

plans for the weekend: none. ideal. superb. spontaneous. awesome.

im devastated about the election. however, at the moment i am enjoying my life and i want to mourn later. ill let myself be content for the time being. as much as i hated the turnout, i love democracy. its really amazing. how can people not get excited over the election and voting process??? its so complex, yet really simple in essence. we really take our governement for granted. we dont realize that millions of people have NO say in what happens in their country. its so removed from what im familiar with, that being under a dictatorship seems unreal. across the world, some people would give anything to be able to vote. and in america, people are too lazy to go to the polls. its the american way. but go democracy!

high school is so amusing.

last night was completely crazy.

i had work until 8, krista picked me up and we went to mosers bday bash, which was fun! i think she enjoyed it. we then picked up the boys and went to lauras. there were a ton of people there. i didnt know a lot of them, but it was cool. laura was really stressed with it being so big and such, so krista decided we should just go, and although i wanted to stay cause i knew claud was coming, krista was my ride and i had to leave. i finally reached claud once we got to martins, and she was like "where are you!!" so evan and claud came and got me, and once we got to lauras, everyone was leaving. it was sad. so we figured the invitation to sleep over that had been extended earlier in the week was still standing. apparently it wasnt. we sat in her basement for about 10 minutes before laura was like "ok its time for people to go" and claud was like "who? everyone whos here is spending the night" and laura said "claudia and katie" we were shocked and really hurt, and laura and claud kinda got into it, but i got claud to leave before anything really bad happened. as we were leavign laura said "thanks for using me, guys" claud was in tears. i was close to. i hate being in fights with my friends, especially since she thought i was using her!! claud and i went to cartell and got coffee, when who should call, but peter! so somehow we decided we would go to peters and chill with him and other kids. he was totally fucked up, and somehow claud and i got some alcohol from him, so we got drunk too (claud more than myself) and things went downhill from there. a funny downhill, but downhill none the less. claud ended up getting super sick and all she remembers now is me holding back her hair while she puked. it was pleasant. other things happened, but there is no need to share them here...right? being drunk is emberassing. the kid i hooked up with called me today, and i really dont want to do anything with him, hes a little whore. we hooked up, and thats all it should stay as.

nick=really creepy. becca agrees. hes one of those people who i thought was really cool when we first started hanging out, but now hes just creepy. hes nice though. vejay is cool, i dont really know him though. ylsl is full of really odd people.

i kinda feel bad because when i had to leave with krista, martin wouldnt let anybody else go to his house, so nick and vejay just stayed at the party. they both knew lots of people there, so it wasnt that bad, but i still feel guilty.

this halloween was nice. we went to see "saw" at the esquire, and it was alright. it entertained, but the artistic aspects were lacking. who needs art though, when youve got blood! later we (krista, myself, claud, the boys, and later laura and johnny) ended up at clauds house to eat food and carve pumpkins. we watched zoolander, and roasted marshmallows. it was cozy. oh yeah, laura and claud and myself all talked and we worked it out and now we're completely cool. its weird how drama can go away so rapidly. but im really glad we worked it out because its the most depressing thing to fight with your friends. and i love laura! and i would be really really really unhappy if she hated me. so good thing: making up.

i cant find my family. nobody is in the house...its kinda lonesome.

this is really long. and ive rambled ehough. sufficiant.

i found pics of myself at my grandmas grave putting flowers around it and looking very somber. but then in another pic of my sister and i at the grave, we look so happy and we're playing. its weird how i feel connected to my grandma even though i barely knew her. those pictures reminded me. my mom misses her so much, she still talks about how great she was.

when i was in italy a few years ago, one of the things i noticed most about their culture that is different from ours is that families stick together. i would see 4 generations of women collecting truffles along the side of the road. its really touching. it must be great to be so connected to your family. as sappy as that is, i really do think it would be great.

i look at pictures of my moms family, and i can see parts of myself in all of them. even my great great grandmother. i really like that.

i made a kickass card for leslie sherman. cant wait to give it to her!

i dont really like having people over. its really boring. plus i have to clean and stuff. and liz came in and saw alcohol. i wasnt drinking or anything, but she saw claud trying to hide the boy's stuff. shes not going to tell my mom, but still...i dont like that she knows i do anything wrong. its not good.

i kinda feel bad, because i thought i liked nick, but i dont. im just desperate. hes too quiet and akward. hes an awesome guy, and i love having him as a friend, but i cant see anything more. which is good. i can just be one of those "buddy" girls. i think thats what i am. guys dont ever think of me as more than a friend. i guess im ok with that. well, not really, but im going to have to be. maybe in college things will pick up? but i do want a guy. haha, this is pathetic.

but jenga should be fun, no? and lauras in general. thanks for having people over, laura! its going to be fun! i just hope elliot comes through for claud and i.

how rediculous is dr. powers? teachers arent supposed to overtly show their political beliefs, and he was wearning a huge bush pin on thursday. i couldnt believe it. maybe a teacher would be ok, but hes the principal. that just seems wrong. i dont know, it prolly shouldnt. but even if he were wearing a kerry pin i would be kinda peeved.

i wonder how much a new turntable would cost? hmmm...

im looking forward to the opera club trip. its going to be fun and a good bonding experience. who am i rooming with again?

i love it when my brother throws tantrums! just kidding. its really annoying.

my mom made this "cream of spinach soup". i put it in quotations because i do not trust it. its too green. far too green for my good.

today in novel, matt rose and that senior guy with the earring who was new last year were talking about bacon. you'd think they'd want to sound a little healthy maybe, but no. they topped my brothers 8 pieces, and matt told us all that he had had 9 pieces this morning for breakfast. 9. count em. theres a new bacon king. and its not my brother!

did i really just write a whole paragraph on bacon?

liz is trying to get her college applications out, and its really sad. im going to miss her. shes trying to get into scripps, which is in southern california. really far away. it will be so weird not to have her here...i think the longest we've ever been apart is a month. and even then we werent that far apart. im really dreading it.

i fucking hate cats. they step in their own shit. and then on my dining room table. and then on my bed. and the house slowly becomes covered in shit. they shed, too. i like blaze alright, but the others are fat fur balls who barf and poop and lose fur and annoy me. they try to sleep on my head. i dont like inhaling poop. anyone want an adorable cat? just kidding. my family would be mad if i gave them away.

today was payday. awesome. and the weekend is almost here! cheers for weekends!

final thought: my mom got tide detergent this time and when i put on my hoodie, it smelled like sam. i guess he used the same detergent. but its really weird to smell like my ex. smell me tomorrow. you'll see.

ugh. tonight was bad. not all of it, but a majority of it.
i worked till 8, at which point i called krista and she told me to go to dorons, and when i was in front of his neighborhood she was like DONT COME so they went to mcdonalds and i went to starbucks and then sat around for like 30 minutes till the play got out so i could give claud her flowers. good job everyone on the play by the way. back to buisness: so after that claud n krista went to the cast party, i called doron but he wont pick up b/c hes being an asshole (sorry doron i dont mean that) so i had nothing to do. i ended up hanging out with sherman and driving everywhere which was ok. we got kickass ice from sonic. then we went to blackburn park in webster to meet scriv and chels and milla and 2 random guys and they were really drunk, but it was ok. when i wanted to leave i was like how are you guys getting home? and they were like oh we're sobering up. somehow it ended up that people had curfews and stuff so chels was trying to drive her car home. bad idea. so some kid who was sober drove chelseas car to her house, and i had to drive the webster kids back to their houses. then i finally got in touch with claud (who was supposed to call a while before she actually did) (man im complaining alot im sorry) and she said we couldnt come to dorons. so i had to drive all the way back to the burbs anyway and drop sherman off, and then after breaking curfew by alot, drive myself home. wasting a total of 1/2 tank of gas. in a hybrid. damn. im really tired of all this.

tomorrow im working 1-7, another close, another 5 hours. that every day this weekend. i hate working. but i like having the money...

next weekend, i claim not driving. and i claim im not going to get upset with all my friends anymore, if i start getting mad, ill just leave. that way, the peace is kept. i have movies to watch! and i dont care that its really sad to be alone on the weekend. id rather be alone than really depressed. so thats how its going to be.

good job to everyone who was in the play, it rocked! it really did.

i had to write an entire paper for novel, which sucked. but the upside of it is that i got to sleep during class today b/c i already had it done (had i know we had class time, i wouldnt have gotten it all done the night before). half days in general=very good time. i got to go home and...sleep! what else? then i had to work for 5 hours...not so much fun.

tonight was different. i liked it. i didnt end up just sitting around martins doing nothing, instead i came home early (yes, i know im a loser) and rented requiem for a dream and got coffee and just chilled out at home. up until tonight, ive never been able to enjoy sitting around alone. it always seemed so sad to me before. but for some reason, it was appealing today, and it was awesome. the movie was great, being able to pull my hair back w/o being self concious was great, and not wearing presentable clothing was superb. i really did enjoy myself. its weird how days can go from your mom forcing you to unload 8 acron squashes from her trunk...to being really mellow and not being around people on a friday night. maybe it wasnt just being alone that was nice, but just not doing what i always do on weekends. im so tired of the predictability of everything i do. i dunno. ive talked to krista about this, and claud maybe. i dont think im the only one who is tired of the ho-hum weekends we all have. i dont think thats a good sign...when nobody is having fun.

i hate my fucking cat. he just tried to take my stuffed cat and pup and i am pissed. dont steal my comfort objects. ever. at least it didnt try to take my blanket. the fur would fly.

thats about it.

liz has made herself physically ill over the breakup. shes dry heaving in the bathroom right now because she cried for an hour straight and she cant actually barf because she cant eat anything. im really worried. she doesnt understand why he did it, and although i havent talked to him, i think its because it was such a long relationship, and that he was kinda changing from it. i can see his point of view. but to liz, she thought he was her one true love. she was like "ive lost my one love" and i told her i didnt believe we only have one love in our lives, and she said "but i wanted him to be mine" which was so depressing. plus, she had put in this tape of all these mushy songs which made it 18 times worse that it would have been other wise because we had depressing music in the background. i really do hope it starts to get easier for her, because she just isnt doing ok.

today krista and i baked brownies for doron in consolation of his loss. a dear friend, his fish, doug, has passed on. it is a sad week. but the brownies were really cool. ask doron or martin or krista for a picture of the decorating.

i want peoples school pictures so i can put them on my collage thingy. so...give them to me.

tomorrow is the focus st louis field trip thingy, which should be fun. we get to chop down bushes at queeny park. sounds bad, but im looking forward to it.

look ben, im not being mean.

jeremy broke up with liz, which is awful. shes been crying since she got off the phone with him, which was at 6. a year and 7 months. she loved him so much. as emberassing it is to have her as my sister, i love her to death and it hurts me when shes feeling sad. i dont know what to say to her to make her feel better. but there really isnt anything anyone can say. she'll be hurting for a few days and after a week or so i think she'll be functioning. i wish i could cheer her up. and slap jeremy. after a year n 7 months, she deserved more than a phone call, asshole. humph.
my house is clean! woo hoo! come over and hang out at my house, everyone!
my cat drank out of asparagus water.
i love my dog a lot. and my mom. not that im comparing the two. i just love them both.
and im getting a car of my very own! no more emberassing "keep your lawas off my body" bumper stickers! although im getting a crappy gold ford taurus, a car is a car and i am thankful. plus it seats 6.
there are awesome baloons at schnucks right now, go check them out.

saturday...homecoming. the game was alright, the half time show was fun! claud youre very skinny.
after the game i drove around trying to get stuff for krista, then waited for claud to get herself out the door...very entertaining
nick met me at starbucks and we went to scrivs in an attempt to get foot high pies. scriv thought she knew the way, but, wonder of wonders, we got lost. didnt see that one coming. (yes i did). we took 255 rather than 40, and ended up past cahokia in collinsville at some rickety gas station with bagged pickels, lots of lottery tickets, and a woman who "cant getcha anywhere 'cept for walmart". fortunately, we got back somehow and just ate and the city diner and went to mokabees. it was pretty fun. then we went to scrivs friend lanies house and chilled there for a bit, and then scriv and co went to some other party, nick to home, and i went to martins. that was interesting. theres always that akwardness of walking in on a group of kids who are already drunk and having to wait a bit to get drunk yourself. but after that, it was pretty fun. i def. wouldnt say the best time we've ever had, but it was nice. it sounds like im talking about sex.
my aunt got her chi straightener and it is amazing. im obsessed. woo hoo non curly katie!
there is far too much drama with all my friends. but its not pointless, i see why there are so many upset people or whatever, theres reasons for all of it. it just seems like theres always these down periods where nothing really happens and then theres a flare-up where everyone is just going crazy. you could say its like herpes without valtrex.
quite chilly out, no?

the game last night was amazing! bottom of the 8th, 2 home runs! go cards!
today was a beautiful day. i had to stay up reeeeaaalllyyy late last night due to the game to study for my psych test today and then i woke up early to do my math. all in all i got around 3 1/2 hours of sleep. i was really tired and, really, didnt feel like taking my spanish quiz today, so i got my mom to excuse me for 4th period. i got a smoothie and everything was great. then my aunt, my mom and i went on a walk in tower grove, which was really nice. the temperature was good, it smelled nice (like fall, which is the best), and they got some exercize in. my aunt had to stop a few times, but its good that shes getting out there. making progress!
real thugs get down on tha flo on tha flo now dont you hate them all lyin ass hoes smilin in yo face wearin her best friends clothes
lots of quality family time today. going to a movie con mi madre. should be interesting.
claud i hope you talked to elliot today b/c he went after school to get stuff for homecoming.
i really dont like my brother. i love him, but he's really mean. last night he kept yelling at my dad and cussing at my sister and i. he worries me. normal kids arent...violent like he is. and its even scarier because my dad wont believe that his little boy really has a problem. when he kept punching me and scratching me when i was driving a few months ago, i told my dad and he said "what did you do to provoke him?". i hadnt done anything to him, he just has these outbursts, and it seems really hopeless because my dad is the one with the insurance, so my mom cant get a different doctor for him or anything. its weird because i always think my family is bad, but then i hear things about other peoples familys and im thankful i guess. as much as i dont like my brother and my dad sometiems, theyre better than it could be. by a long shot.
well that was random venting. oops.
the tostitos are gone...